I CAN DO IT

Tina Fey: Steve! Uh -- what are you doing here, Steve?
Steve Martin: Well, Tina, I was just sitting home watching the show, and I -- I heard you say that you felt more like... More »

Tina Fey: Steve! Uh -- what are you doing here, Steve?
Steve Martin: Well, Tina, I was just sitting home watching the show, and I -- I heard you say that you felt more like a writer than a performer, and I said, "I've gotta get up there and help that girl."
Tina Fey: Wow. That's pretty fast.
Steve Martin: Because, tonight, of all nights, it's so important that you are NOT a writer -- that you are a performer!
Tina Fey: Be a performer. Yeah.
Steve Martin: Do you think you can do it?
Tina Fey: [ doubtful ] I don't know if I'm really up to it --
SLAP
Tina Fey: Right... you're right... I needed that, yeah...
Steve Martin: You know, Tina -- I was once small like you. People forget that I got my start as a writer, and why do they forget? Because I wanted them to forget! I wanted to be a STAR! Look at you, all slouched over, like a writer. All apologetic! [ turns to glance offscreen ] Look at those writers -- you don't want to end up like them!
...
Steve Martin: All -- all weak and -- all weak and -- and -- young! Now, STAND UP STRAIGHT!!
Tina Fey: Okay.
Steve Martin: Now, take off those glasses!! ... You know... put 'em back on again.
Tina Fey: Okay.
Steve Martin: But, you know why? Because it's a trademark, and people love trademarks!
Tina Fey: Okay!
Steve Martin: You've gotta stay loose and playful! [ grabs her temple ] A writer lives up here! [ pats his belly ] A performer works from the GUT!
Tina Fey: Okay!
Steve Martin: What have you got under there, bike shorts or something?
Tina Fey: Don't worry about it.
Steve Martin: Oh. Now, let me hear you say it: "I can do it!"
Tina Fey: I can do it!
Steve Martin: Now, say it a little louder now!
Tina Fey: I can do it!!
Steve Martin: A little softer now!
Tina Fey: [ with a whisper ] I can do it.
Steve Martin: Now, say it like you're -- like you're in an old-fashioned movie!
Tina Fey: [ as Mae West ] I can do it!
Steve Martin: Now, say it like a cartoon mouse!
Tina Fey: [ squeaky-voiced ] I can do it!
Steve Martin: Now, say it like a -- like a -- like a cartoon mouse in Spanish!
Tina Fey: [squeaky voice in spanish] Si, Yo puedo hacer!
Steve Martin: Now, say it like a drunk Chinese woman!
Tina Fey: Ohhh, I can dew eet!
Steve Martin: [ stretches out his arms and smiles ] You know what I think? I think you can do it!
Tina Fey: [ smiles ] I think I CAN do it!
SLAP
Tina Fey: What was that one for?
Steve Martin: That one was just for fun!
SLAP
Tina Fey: Was that one for fun, too?
Steve Martin: No, that's the Comedy Rule of Three.
Tina Fey: Oh.
Steve Martin: Now, introduce the show!
Tina Fey: Okay! We've got a great show -- Carrie Underwood is here!
Tina Fey: Stick around, we'll be right back!
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