Telemarketer Calls Murder Scene

Tom Mabe: Hello?

Telemarketer: Yes, Can I speak with Tom Mabe? More »

Tom Mabe: Hello?

Telemarketer: Yes, Can I speak with Tom Mabe?

Tom: Who’s calling?

Tele: This is Mike . You have been selected to receive a complete digital satellite system for free. With this you’re going to-

Tom: Let me ask you something. Did you know Tom Mabe? Were you a friend of his?

Tele: No, I’m not. I’m just calling to offer-

Tom: Hold that thought, hold on a second (Hey guys, get really good pictures of the body, and dust everything down for prints.) Mike, you there?

Mike: Yeah.

Tom: Yeah, let me bring you up to speed. You’ve actually called a murder scene. Mr Mabe is no longer with us. I’m Officer Clarke. I’m conducting a homicide investigations. I want to ask you a series of questions. First of all – what was the nature of the business you had with Tom Mabe?

Mike: I…I had no business with him. I’m sorry to have bothered-

Tom: No, hang on. I’m going to ask you to stay on the phone, this call has already been traced and we may need you to come in for further questioning.
Mike: You don’t understand. I’m just calling –

Tom: No, you don’t’ understand, unless you want to be charges with obstruction of justice, it is imperative that you keep your ass on the phone, Mike.

Mike: How about you just talk with my supervisor?

Tom: No, we will get to your supervisor in a second. First, give me your where-abouts.

Mike: I am at work.

Tom: You’re at work?

Mike: Yes.

Tom: You being a smart ass?

Mike: No sir.

Tom: Let me put it to you this way, Mike. Say I wanted to mail your ass a letter. What would I have to write on the outside of the envelope to ensure that the mailman would deliver it right to your ass? Geographically speaking Mike, where is work?

Mike: 40 West Littleton, Colorado

Tom: Now hold on that’s –

Mike: Yes sir.

Tom: Hold on one second alright. (Get the Littleton Police Department, Homicide Division on the phone, give them this information. Tell them that he is being sought in connection with a fatal shooting and aggravated robbery.) How do you know Mr. Mabe again?

Mike: Wait. You are calling the Littleton Police Department? I’m hundreds of miles away. I don’t even know the guy. I’m in Colorado.

Tom: No, don’t let that scare you, it is just a formality. Have you ever been to his place of residence?

Mike: No!

Tom: And tell me again, where were you last night between the hours of 8 and 10?

Mike: I’m not feeling real comfortable by any of this.

Tom: Have you even ever spoke with Mr. Mabe, Mike?

Mike: No, I haven’t. I don’t even know the guy. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.

Tom: Ok, great. Just calm down, hold on. Look, just back up. I’ve just got one more question for you, Mike. As you well know, I’m sure, Mr. Mabe was a flaming homosexual. And there is no easy way of asking this, I don’t want to embarrass you or nothing, but were you his gay lover?

Mike: What? No! What the hell kind of question is that?

Tom: Look, look. If gay is your way, that is OK. I still know there are a lot of you gay people in that closet. Not saying I haven’t thought about it myself, you know? Hop over to Las Vegas or something, buy a couple of drinks, cute little Mexican midget.

Mike: This is ridiculous.

Tom: Hello?
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