Message 1:
Hey Olga, it's Dimitri.
Sorry I had to leave such a rushed message with you when we met the other day. I just wanted to quickly give you my phone number, and I had to get the heck out of the area. In any event, I figured I had better leave you a more detailed message and explain why I approached you. I am single. I have no trouble meeting women; I mean, women approach me six or seven times a day. But I'm very particular about what I like. You're an extremely elegant woman. I couldn't take my eyes off you, and your friends were very jealous — even if they say they weren't, they were envious of the fact that I approached you, and I was very taken by you. Elegant women are very rare. I'm Greek and I'm very particular about what I like. So I'm giving you an opportunity here. I don't know if you picked up the message on the weekend but I'm working on a movie script so I'm pretty much around all weekend doing that, I left you my number…
This looks like a land line, and if it is you may not get the message till Monday. But when you do, call me and we'll get together for coffee and chat and let the romance begin. You looked very taken aback by my approach, and I hope that it isn't timidness, I hope it was just a little bit of shock at being approached so directly. Because I don't really date timid women, because I'm a very direct, very passionate, very assertive man, and I want a woman who is very independent and strong. So…anyway we'll talk about that, but I just wanted to formally introduce myself, now I have. I believe the ball in your court. You call me as soon as you have the courage to. Okay, Olga? Talk to you soon, bye.
Message 2:
Hi there, Olga it's Dimitri calling again, the guy from the street.
I left you a message several days ago you said you were interested. Now, here's the way I work. I don't like leaving second messages but I like you, you're a very elegant woman, you're very attractive, but, you know, I don't play that game. I know your friends tell you not to return calls; you're playing games like you see in stupid TV shows. So here's how it's gonna work. It is now 4:30 on Wednesday. Now I'll assume, I'll assume that you've already left work, because, you know, some people leave work early, and I'll grant you that. But if I do not receive a phone call back from you by 3 o'clock Thursday afternoon I'm no longer interested and you can erase your number. I don't play games like that. I'm completely single, I'm very intelligent, I'm great in bed, I make great money. Believe it or not, I'm a complete catch. I've only been single four months; I had a long distance relationship you know went a year, it's very tough to maintain it like that and it didn’t work out; there's nothing wrong with me. As a matter of fact I'm one of the few men in the city that has nothing wrong with him. So I'm giving you the three o'clock deadline. If I don't hear from you, you lose my number — I'm erasing yours right now, so you won't be hearing back from me.
So that's it: three o'clock tomorrow, or you can just completely forget it.
Now I understand if you've got other issues, like maybe you're not playing games, maybe you’ve had I don't know… maybe you were abused in childhood?…Maybe your mother has cancer, you're going to chemo…maybe you're just a person who's extremely frightened or has an anxiety disorder, maybe you're on some medication for that…I don't know, there could be another issue that I'm not aware of. But nobody says "Call me," hands a person a business card and then doesn't return calls. It's extremely passive aggressive. You should actually look that up, passive-aggressive personality disorder. And you let me know, if you've got issues, psychological issues, if you're on any sort of medication for anxiety or depression; I'm not interested, okay. But if you're psychologically normal, and you haven't called me because there's been some horrible thing that's happened in your life which prevented you, that's fine. But otherwise? Don't call me. Okay, bye.
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