Mom: Hello?
Julie: Hi Mom?
Mom: Yes
Julie: Uh, is Daddy upset about something?
Mom: Yes, can I ask you something Julie? I don't understand where this guy comes off calling; he's Italian for God sakes, whatsa matter with you?
Julie: We got along good in class, so...
Mom: What the hell does that mean? He could be a rapist, he could be a murderer, he could be anything!
Julie: No, we really got along good together, I don't really see a big a problem...
Mom: Kid is not Jewish, there's not even no talking! I don't even know where this is coming from, I swear to God you go to college and you come out a different person! I got another year of this, I'll kill myself! I'll kill myself, are you crazy?
Dad: Forget about Paul Martin, I'm gonna forget about his trails, and get her out of school
Mom: I have to worry about you after dark and you're not home yet, then you wonder why I worry? Then when I call you a dozen, fifteen, twenty times and you don't answer the phone, and me and your father are calling and calling and calling and we don't stop calling, and you don't pick up! It's a very big sin, for you to go out against your religion. An Italian doesn't go out with a Jew and a Jew doesn't go out with an Italian.
Julie: Didn't you always tell me that you think a lot of the Italian guys are cute and everything?
Mom: Yeah, but I won't go out with them! I don't marry them, I don't kiss them, I don't do anything, they're nice people! Are you crazy?
Julie: Would you be upset if I did something with him?
Mom: I would die. I would, and... They’re not kosher!! They're lips touch pig and I don't know... and you can't!
Julie: You always told me that they were bigger in the pants, and that's why you liked them so much.
Mom: Oh my God, you don't repeat what I say, Oh my good God, Oh my God good, I was going to go have a good day... now I got a stomachache, I gotta go to the bathroom, I got constant diarrhea, this is ridiculous, oh kill me with a knife. Kill me with a fucking knife. What the hell did I do to deserve this? I have no idea. All I do is stay home every day and clean the fucking house, make you dinner and that's what you do
Julie: Don't act like that
Mom: And I make you dinner every night, and now
Julie: Is it against our religion if we hooked up a little bit?
Mom: Oh it is more than against your religion; God will strike me I don't know what he'll do to me. I don't need this shift in my head
Julie: Let me speak to Daddy?
Dad: Yeah
Julie: Are you really upset?
Dad: What are you dealing with an Italian for?
Julie: We got along really good in class
Dad: What? I don't give a shit! Julie, I'm pulling you out of that school. If it wasn't for that school you would never see this guy
Julie: I don't really think that's a fair thing to do.
Dad: It's not a fair thing? It's fair you going out with an Italian guy? We're nothing like that. I thought you were smarter than that! You really disappointed the hell outta me just now. You wanna get me sick, you wanna kill me? This is the way to do it. What you're doing now. Then I’m going to die. Then you're going to be happy and do whatever you want. Hold on speak to your mother I'm too nervous.
Mom: Hello?
Julie: Hello
Robert: Is she still not saying its ok? After all this?
Mom: Oh my God, oh my God, are you fucking kidding me? Oh my fucking God.
Robert: Hello?
Mom: Who's this?
Robert: Hello this is Robert, how you doing?
Mom: Listen let me tell you something, we stick with our own, you stick with your own. That's it because it's not kosher
Dad: Hello?
Robert: Hi sir, how are you doing?
Dad: I'm very upset about the whole situation, we're very religious people, you're not the same religion sir.
Robert: I got a cross on my neck, I believe in Christianity
Dad: Well we don't believe in that sir.
Robert: Well you should
Dad: I beg your pardon?
Robert: You should believe in that.
Dad: I want you to see me in person and say that to me fella.
Robert: That's the right religion.
Dad: Oh yeah? It is!
Robert: Yeah.
Dad: That's the right religion?
Robert: Yeah.
Dad: How about you come over here and tell me that.
Robert: I will when I meet ya.
Dad: And I'll put you through a fucking wall, and I'll show you who...
Robert: Well I'll meet you, and we talk about our relationship
Dad: Hey look, there's not gonna be any relationship
Robert: Well there is gonna be one
Dad: Well how would you like to bet on that pal?
Robert: It started three weeks ago.
Dad: Oh, yeah? Well it's going to end right now.
Robert: As a matter of fact, come here baby give me a kiss.
Dad: You mother... you motherfucker... I don't like you, I don't like anything about you, and if I see you I'm gonna fucking break you in 10 pieces. How do you like that fella?
Robert: I'll bring over some spaghetti and meatballs for dinner how about that? I don't want to eat any of that...you make crap dinners. I'd choke at you house.
Dad: I should come over there and beat the fucking living shit out of you.
Robert: Well, that wouldn't be very religious now would it?
Dad: I will kill you, you son of a bitch, you mother, you don't know who you're fucking with.
Robert: Please take the phone.
Julie: Hello.
Dad: Julie? You get home right, this, fucking second! NOW! Do you understand that? RIGHT NOW! If not, I'm going to come over there, and if I find this guy I'm going to go to jail for killing him. You understand me Julie? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME JULIE!?
Julie: I understand
Dad: RIGHT NOW! I WANT YOU HOME! Cuz if not you're gonna be sorry, and this asshole is gonna be sorry
Julie: Okay, okay.
Dad: Right now!
Robert: Hello sir, I'm back on the phone.
Dad: Why don't you come over here?
Robert: Should I bring my pasta dinner?
Dad: You bring anything you want. You bring anything you want.
Robert: How about your daughter naked? How about that?
Dad: You motherfucking bastard you, I want you to come right this minute.
Robert: Before I do that I got to tell you your daughter just phone tapped you on Z100.
Julie: Dad it was a joke, you're on the radio.
Dad: What? Get out of here. What?
Robert: This is TJ from the Z morning zoo
Dad: I remember Z zoo from when I was a kid. Now who's going to pay for the heart attack I almost had?
Voice: Are we kosher?
Guy: Alright, alright, no guilt needed. You know what, mom and dad mean business. They know who they want their daughter to hook up with. They made it very clear. TJ you're awful. By the way if I were a father I would never want TJ around. By the way thank you for your phone tap idea. And uh...
Woman: Yeah that was good! What else can you say?
Guy: It's not unusual, parents and family tradition is very important...
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